This Is Who We Are
by diamondpearl876
Summary: I've given you so many chances to realize who I really am, young Sakura.


Hmm... This is just something I wrote to try and figure out what Eriol was thinking while he was trying to reach his goal. To me, he's a very difficult character to understand. Any comments would be appreciated--especially ones about the characterization here.

I own nothing.

This Is Who We Are

_What did I do to make all of these scenes seem so perplexed?_

*

I've given you so many chances to realize who I really am, young Sakura.

Still, you ask questions about who is behind all of this and why Clow Reed's presence can be felt when he died so long ago. You still give me that bright smile of yours without any signs that you don't trust me, without any suspicious expressions.

The answer is and has always been right in front of you. Won't you realize this? Won't you realize my true identity and give me the ending that this all deserves?

But then again, I don't want you to find out--because I won't get what I want if you ever do.

*

Once, you claimed that it felt like we had met before.

Of course we had. You have seen Clow Reed in your dreams and sometimes you have heard his voice ringing in your ears--and then, there's my other half as well. You see him in your very own house almost every single day, and you're both completely unaware of all of the plans I have made. And you always claim that I am so similar to your father with my maturity and my smile and my eyes and my glasses and the belief that I can do anything and everything so perfectly, so flawlessly.

I am not just Eriol Hiiragizawa. I am Clow Reed and Fujitaka Kinomoto, too. I am everywhere in your life. I am in your school, in your dreams and in your thoughts, and in your home. Can't you see it? Can't your father feel it? Can't you see through this mask of ours?

I don't think you can, and it's quite all right. The time has not yet come.

*

"There are other uses for thread besides sewing."

You were confused at the store at that time when I told you I was done shopping, when I told you that I was not going to sew with the thread I was buying. You're still confused now. You shouldn't be, but you are. The thread was around my fingers, and it was controlling my darling relative, your darling friend, and you saw it, and screamed about it all and proceeded to destroy it with yet another Clow Card that finally transformed into one of your own.

Sure, it could have been a coincidence.

But it wasn't.

And you should be putting together these twisted puzzle pieces by now, but you're not. Why? It's so easy--yet so hard, and I intend to keep it that way because there is simply no other choice.

*

Anyone can see that Tomoyo is always by your side.

Anyone can see that, if you two were to ever be separated, you would both be absolutely devastated and you would both try to do anything to fix that distance.

I am no different. I forced her to be removed from your side and placed her in the art room with no real way to escape without causing even more trouble. I could have put her in the music room because of all of the talent she possesses in that area, and I could have put her in the classroom we are in every day. But--no. The art room was fine.

And the next day, I showed you a piece of art I had made myself. It is well known that art is a way to express yourself. You could have noticed that the scenery I had put on the paper was tranquil, but there were so many extra lines present. There was one line for every lie I have told, one line for every Clow Card, and one line for every chance that you have been given. It showed that not everything is what it seems, young Sakura.

There were so many, but you didn't notice, and I was a bit disappointed. Later, I found myself wondering why I had felt that way at all.

*

I am not your knight in shining armor, and I never will be. I know--because I have acted like it, but still, you chase after Yue's temporary form. That is how it's supposed to be, but I don't mind, and I still try.

I've held your hand and acted like I'd never let go, no matter what happened. I've watched over you with such careful eyes, eyes that promised to protect you from any danger that came your way. I've helped you with anything I could--just to see you smile and laugh. Isn't that what most girls dream of? It was all very fake indeed, but you fell for it anyway, and--

Suddenly, the knight lost control of the horse he had so gallantly rode on in order to get to you with the goal of staying by your side forever and forever. And it attacked you, betrayed everything that you thought you knew about it, and you didn't want to hurt it, you really didn't--but you did, because that's what it deserved and that's what you needed to do.

But I don't want you to break me, or all of this will go to waste.

But I want you to at the same time, because I shouldn't be doing any of this for my own selfish desire, but I am.

*

The list could go on and on, but the story is always the same, as I try and try and you overlook it all with those bright, carefree green eyes of yours. I could keep giving you chances and hints and clues to the truth, but in the end, you'll never find out until the time is right, until the lies are revealed to you directly.

Please--give me more time and keep wondering and keep fooling yourself, because I have yearned for this longer than anyone can imagine. I need and cherish this goal of mine more than life itself.

Please--just stop this game now, because this is not something I deserve and this is not something I want to do to a girl like you. This is the fate that Clow Reed made for me all of those years ago when he split his soul in two, and I don't want to be like him anymore and I don't want to follow the path that he knew I would take.

*

_Perhaps I am no better than the one before me._


End file.
